Categories: all aviation bicycle gadgets misc motorcycle theater

Mon, 10 Nov 2008

Applying the scientific method to MY OWN STUPIDITY

So, about a month ago, I installed a fancy schmancy new saddle on my bike. A leather Brooks saddle, in fact. I almost immediately took it off, because I couldn't find an angle that felt good. It was either pressing too much in that sensitive spot, or slid me forward, or pressed to much in the other spot, etc.

I put my old saddle back on with a sigh of relief, and proceeded about my life.

Several weeks later, I noticed that, all of a sudden, my legs seemed to be chafing. Now, I'd been biking for over two years solid at this point, there was no reason for this to happen. Not all of a sudden.

Not even bothering to find two and two to put together, I started changing things. I figured, hey, (and this is the point where you may want to turn off the monitor -- this discussion necessarily involves bits of my anatomy and articles of clothing I wouldn't normally talk about) I'm wearing cotton briefs which have a seam that runs right where I'm getting chafed: the joint where my legs join up with my pelvis, where the seat hits. Cotton == sponge. Maybe that's a bad thing!

So I switched to boxers, which I had given up on a year and a half earlier as being entirely too uncontrolled. There is little so uncomfortable as having a testicle repeatedly crushed between leg and seat as you pedal. Trying to remedy this situation is also at least as embarrassing as describing it. The problem still existed, and furthermore, all the fabric seemed to get bunched up right where I was chafing -- before I'd had a small wodge of cotton there; now I had a huge mass. Boxers: FAIL.

Next up were boxer briefs. I looked on Amazon (user reviews are surprisingly handy in this situation), and found some inexpensive but (and this is important) cotton boxer briefs. The best of both worlds, right? The anti-flopping properties of briefs, but without the triple-folded seams right where I was chafing! BZZT! Same problem as boxers, except with less testicle-crushing. So, a step in the right direction, but as painful as ever.

And by this point, the pain had become excruciating. Not just "Huh, I seem to be chafing a little," but "Holy mother of god, maybe I'll call a taxi!" I had one hope left.

I'd read about non-cotton alternatives, and at this point, I was ready to try anything. Anything. So I ran out and got a pair of Under Armour Boxerjocks. Stupid name, good product. Basically, they're boxer briefs intended to be worn tight, and made of the moisture-wicking polyester blend that UA uses so effectively, and which I've long appreciated in a shirt I wear under my racing leathers.

I thought, Ah, heaven, these are perfect! I rode to work that day, and it seemed better at first, but then, dammit! They bunched up right where I was chafing, and it hurt like hell. By this point, even walking had started to hurt.

So, I gave up. I also wised up, and went to the doctor, having finally realized that this was so abnormal, it must be an infection of some kind. He confirmed, yes, standard-issue jock itch (a fungal infection), apply this cream twice a day, etc. This elicited a huge sigh of relief from me -- it was just an infection! Problem solved.

I rode the motorcycle for a couple of weeks, feeling both like I was giving up on my ideals, and like I was getting away with something -- after all, I had a valid medical reason I couldn't ride a bicycle. It was fun to get back on the Ninja and shuttle around without any exertion. There's nothing like riding a bicycle to give one an appreciation of what goes into acceleration and going up hills and things.

Today was my first day back on the bicycle. The cream seems to have worked, and I figured I was ready. Wicking underoos: check. Infection under control: check. Rock on!

Imagine my disappointment, tonight, as I was riding home, and recognized the now-familiar burning sensation. ARGH! Did my body get its one taste of that damned leather saddle, and is now spoiled!? It was nice how narrow the nose of that thing was, but surely one day of riding on it couldn't have...

At approximately this point in my reasoning, as I rode along, I gave myself a virtual dopeslap. I pulled over to the side of the road, leaned the bike up against a fence, and pulled out my little toolkit. I adjusted one bolt in, and one bolt out, lowering the nose of the saddle about 5°. The rest of the ride back home was, well, not exactly burning-free, but was clearly no longer generating that awful burning feeling.

Hey, cause? Meet effect. Effect, cause. You guys should get together more often. IN MY BRAIN.

(Hopefully the ride in tomorrow will be a trifle more comfortable.)

Posted at 23:31 permanent link category: /bicycle

Categories: all aviation gadgets misc motorcycle theater

Written by Ian Johnston. Software is Blosxom. Questions? Please mail me at reaper at obairlann dot net.